Breakable
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
News, info & thoughts from 3'10" tall Evangelist James Croft.
This ministry will be launching a Podcast very soon. Keep checking here for details!
Posted by James Croft at 10:16 AM
I found some of these funny, some interesting, and some just apparently filling space.
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a cup ofboiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
8. You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends, you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
Posted by James Croft at 10:13 AM
I just learned of a new telephone information directory service that is FREE; although, you do have to listen to a 10 second advertisement. All you do is dial 1-800-FREE411 (1-800-373-3411. There is also a free website that you can utilize, http://www.free411.com/index.htm.
This link takes you directly to the search page: http://www.free411.com/searchresults.php?searchtype=2. The web searches include: "Find a Person", "Find a Business" (by name), "Find a Business" (by category), and "Search by Phone Number".
We live in a time when a lot of information can be accessed via the World Wide Web. It's kind of scary isn't it?
Posted by James Croft at 9:13 AM
Evangelist Raphael Adjei Kingbi (Evangelist Ralph) has been called as an Elder in Paola Memorial Presbyterian Church in Teshie, Ghana, West Africa. Evangelist Ralph is the youngest man ever called to serve as Elder in this church.
Ralph serves the Lord as an evangelist in the Greater Accra Metropolitan Region of Ghana, but during the past year his ministry has moved into other Regions of Ghana.
I came to know Evangelist Ralph early in 2002 when he called to issue an invitation to lead the "Gathering of the Clouds" Crusade later that year. Since that time I have made three trips to Ghana (2002, 2003, & 2004) to preach the Gospel. Evangelist Ralph coordinated each of the trips' activities in Teshie with Zion Evangelistic Ministry (an organization with which he served as Director).
Evangelist Ralph now also serves as Ghana Coordinator for the ministries of the James Croft Evangelistic Association.
Posted by James Croft at 10:50 AM
Labels: Ghana Ministry
I will be the guest speaker at the Youth Valentine Banquet at Friendship Baptist Church on Saturday, February 11, 2006. For more information call Minister of Youth Bill Lawhon at (386) 776-1418. Friendship Baptist Church is located at 14364 140th St. near Live Oak, Florida.
Posted by James Croft at 12:05 AM
The most important part of Christmas is the first six letters: CHRIST-mas!
Posted by James Croft at 11:57 PM
(click on text and photo to enlarge)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, (Ephesians 1:2 NKJV)
Merry Christmas!!!
Posted by James Croft at 9:30 AM
I received these cartoons via e-mail and got a laugh out of them, so I thought I would share them with you.
Posted by James Croft at 12:03 PM
Here is a nice interactive Christmas card: http://holidays.blastcomm.com/holidays03.html.
Posted by James Croft at 11:12 PM
I will be preaching at First Baptist Church of Lake Butler at 10am on Christmas Day. We will not be holding Sunday School and will have an abbreviated morning worship service. This will be the first time in my ministry of preaching on Christmas Day.
First Baptist Church is located at 195 East Main Street in Lake Butler, Florida.
Please attend the Bible teaching church of your choice this Sunday!
Posted by James Croft at 10:52 PM
I have been asked to preach in supply for Interim Pastor Jerry Gessell, Sr. in January at Gadara Baptist Church. I will be preaching the morning service (11am) and the evening service (6pm) on Sunday, January 8, 2006.
Gadara Baptist Church is located at 6779 CR 315C in Keystone Heights, Florida. For more info call the church at (352) 473-3615. Please remember to pray for this church as they seek the pastor the Lord has chosen for them.
Posted by James Croft at 8:24 PM
Check out "Deck the House": http://www.powerpres.com/xmascard03.html.
Posted by James Croft at 8:30 AM
I will be preaching the 5th Sunday Morning Worship Service at Sharon Baptist Church on January 29, 2006. A gospel sing will be held at 10am with the preaching service beginning at 11am. Dinner-on-the-grounds will also be held after the morning service.
Sharon Baptist Church is located at 5584 Sharon Road in Green Cove Springs, Florida.
Posted by James Croft at 9:37 PM
Check out this online Christmas Word Search: http://wandascountryhome.com/christmas/wordgame/
Posted by James Croft at 8:13 PM
Here are some photos from tonight's Christmas Candlelight Service at First Baptist Church of Lake Butler, Florida.
(Left) Children accompanied by their parents lit 8 different candles during the service. Each candle represented a part of the Scripture reading for the service.
(Right) During the reading of Isaiah 53:3-8 a physically weakened & bleeding Jesus entered the church struggling under the weight of His cross.
(Left) After the reading of Matthew 5:14-16 the congregation's candles were lit by the deacons.
(Left) The sanctuary was aglow with the congregation's candles.
(Left) The congregation exited the sanctuary singing "Joy To The World" and formed a circle on the church courtyard with candles glowing. This is our commitment to let our light shine before all people.
The photos were taken by Jon M. Fletcher. You can view more of Jon's photography at www.jonmfletcher.com and on my website, www.jamescroft.org, in the Ghana Photo Galleries.
Posted by James Croft at 10:20 PM
I will be leading a Christmas Candlelight Service tonight at 6pm at First Baptist Church of Lake Butler. The service will feature congregational & special music, drama and the Christmas Story from the Word of God. It will be a wonderful time of worship and a great reminder that Jesus is the reason for the season!
First Baptist Church is located at 195 East Main Street in Lake Butler, Florida.
Posted by James Croft at 8:15 AM
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.
She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"
Posted by James Croft at 8:14 AM
Do you like to pop the little bubbles on a piece of bubble wrap? Well, now you can pop away right at your computer. Check it out here: http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html.
Posted by James Croft at 9:36 AM
I will be leading a Christmas Candlelight Service this Sunday night at 6pm at First Baptist Church of Lake Butler. The service will feature congregational & special music, drama and the Christmas Story from the Word of God. It will be a wonderful time of worship and a great reminder that Jesus is the reason for the season!
First Baptist Church is located at 195 East Main Street in Lake Butler, Florida. For more information call the church office at (386) 496-3704.
Posted by James Croft at 12:00 AM
Now THIS is what it's all about!! Merry Christmas!
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I
had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless
baking, decorating and even overspending. Yet, still, I found myself
exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments and of course,
the true meaning of Christmas.
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season
for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's
"Winter Pageant". I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the
night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with
his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the
presentation. All Parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come
then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found
a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several
other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students
were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat
cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform
their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to
the holiday as "Christmas", I didn't expect anything other than fun
commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer,
Santa Claus, snowflakes , and good cheer.
So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken
aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates,
adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters and bright snowcaps upon their heads.
Those in the front row - center stage - held up large letters, one by one,
to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for
Christmas, " a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy,"
and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the
complete message, "Christmas Love."
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her a small,
quiet girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally
unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of the 1st through
6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake, but she had no idea they
were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although
many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the
last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.
A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In an instant, we
understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the
first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.
For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:
"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"
Posted by James Croft at 9:27 AM
I will be the guest speaker for the "Love Banquet" at Lake Forest Baptist Church on Sunday, February 12, 2006 at 5pm. For more information call Pastor Charles Biggs at (352) 378-1100. Lake Forest Baptist Church is located at 5121 East University Ave. in Gainesville, Florida.
Posted by James Croft at 12:19 AM
This is a cute interactive Christmas card: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=0212320003.
Posted by James Croft at 8:39 AM
My pastor, Rusty Womack, has accepted the call to a new church in Georgia. This past Sunday was his last day at First Baptist Church of Lake Butler, Florida. He will begin at Rehoboth Baptist Church near Atlanta on January 1, 2006.
During Pastor Rusty's time in Lake Butler we have seen many souls saved, many hearts changed and rapid growth in our services. God has certainly used him in a mighty way over the past three years.
I personally have mixed emotions about his departure. James the evangelist rejoices that God has found him faithful and now is moving him to new challenges. James the member of FBC Lake Butler is saddened at the loss of my pastor. I do know that God has never let us down and He will not start now. The Lord already has a man picked out for our church and I believe that exciting times are just around the bend!
I want to wish Rusty and his family all the best in their relocation and in the new ministry that God has led them to.
I ask each of you, as well as the members of both FBC Lake Butler and Rehoboth Baptist, to pray for the Womack family during their relocation and for each other as both churches will be in a time of transition. Remember, God still works during a church's time of transition too. Our God is certainly an awesome God!!!
Posted by James Croft at 6:52 PM
Check out this animated Christmas snowglobe: http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm.
Posted by James Croft at 5:54 PM
I will be preaching the morning worship (11am) and evening worship (7pm) services at Philippi Baptist Church tomorrow, Sunday, December 11th. Philippi Baptist is located on CR18 east of US441 south of Lake City & Ellisville in the community of Mikesville.
Please be in prayer for these services.
Posted by James Croft at 9:14 AM
I think everyone has felt like this at one time in our life. This is a letter that was supposedly sent to a bank after the customer's check bounced.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter, no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as follows:
1.- To make an appointment to see me.
2.- To query a missing payment.
3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5. -To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
Posted by James Croft at 9:11 AM
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Posted by James Croft at 8:29 AM
Here's a fun Christmas Quiz that you might find interesting: http://www.quizland.com/f2quiz.mv?f18+NOMUSIC.
I scored a 161 and rank #16 on the score list. Let me know how you do.
Posted by James Croft at 2:19 PM
This is a cool animation with sound that you might enjoy: http://www.lifetalk.net/2ndcoming/ee.html.
Share it with others.
Posted by James Croft at 9:50 AM
Posted by James Croft at 8:31 AM
I have added Phiippi Baptist Church to my preaching schedule for this Sunday, December 11th. I will be preaching the 11am & 7pm services for Pastor Carl Chauncey. The church is located on CR18 east of US441, south of Lake City & Ellisville at Mikesville, Florida.
Please be in prayer for these services.
Posted by James Croft at 12:22 AM
I had been saying that whenever the Lord placed it upon someone's heart to call me with a preaching engagement that He would be letting me know that I was physically ready to return to the pulpit. Yesterday (Dec. 4th.) was my first time to preach the Gospel since my heart bypass surgery on November 3rd. I preached the 11am worship service at Grace Baptist Church in Gainesville, Florida. I must say that God blessed me during the service.
I was a little tired at the end of the service, but nothing like I have been over the past 4 weeks after taking long walks. I had no pain during the message at all and I was able to move freely. I did notice my voice becoming slightly hoarse toward the end of the message. This could be that I haven't been speaking that loudly the past few weeks. 8-)
A friend was present that has heard me preach before and told me that I sounded almost 100%. Our God certainly is an awesome God!!!
When I began the message I shared my testimony of how the Lord brought me through the past few weeks. As I mentioned the date of December 4th I remembered that it was on Sunday, December 4, 1994 that I publicly surrendered to preach the Gospel. I was also licensed that same night by First Baptist Church of Olustee, Florida.
What an exciting way to celebrate my anniversary of a life changing decision to enter the Lord's ministry - returning again to His service after a life changing (& saving) surgery!!!
What an anniversary! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!!
Posted by James Croft at 9:06 AM
Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Posted by James Croft at 9:29 AM
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
Posted by James Croft at 5:28 PM
I will be preaching the 11am Worship Service at Grace Baptist Church on Sunday, December 4th. The church is located at 7100 NW 39th Ave. in Gainesville, Florida. For more information call the church office at (352) 374-4748.
This will be my first time back in the pulpit since I had heart bypass surgery on November 3rd. I'm trusting the Lord to provide the physical and spiritual strength needed to carry out His work. Please be in prayer for this service.
Posted by James Croft at 10:07 PM