Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Wit or Wisdom?

  • I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  • Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  • Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  • Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?